Happy Saturday everyone!
I've been taking it easy this morning. I slept in, ate breakfast at home (instead of in my car), drank as much of a good cup of coffee as I could (before my tummy started getting upset again), and managed to get our Wii working properly again. I'd say that's a good morning!
I know everyone is waiting for an update about my hospital stay this week so I won't delay. First let me please just say a heartfelt thank you from Aaron and I. So many of you have called, texted, messaged, Facebooked, sent us money, sent us love/prayers/good thoughts, and have stood by our side during this super difficult time. I can't tell you how many times I've shed tears thanking God for all of you!
If you've read previous blog posts, then you know I have a tumor on my uterus. It's benign, but is wreaking havoc all over my life. Tuesday morning I started hemorrhaging and almost blacked out a few times while at work. I just knew something wasn't right so I called my doctor's office to ask for guidance and they advised me to go to the ER because something definitely wasn't right. I got to the ER around 11 am (or so) and proceeded to have a horrible experience. I didn't even get a room, was stuck in the hall on a bed (in a skirt!) with no privacy. It was so miserable and my thoughts were having a field day. I was so embarrassed that I was tempted to tell them just to let me go home. I hadn't heard from any doctors, barely had any tests. I was certain that I was getting "written off" and surely they'd send me home soon. I am usually a private person when it comes to these things and being in the hall...I was just mortified. Well, I found out right quick that it was a very different story when I tried to eat some crackers. The doctor saw me eating and quickly asked me to stop. That's when it tipped me off that she was waiting on something. I had already had all my tests and blood work by this time, so there was no reason I couldn't eat. Long story made short, they admitted me to the hospital shortly after. The OB-GYN on call told the doctor that was treating me that I needed to stay so I could start a series of injections of medicine to stop the bleeding.
I finally got a room around 6 pm and then promptly got dinner (whoo hoo!). They started my medication and I'll just skip through all the small details from here. Just know that I was in excruciating pain, and very sick. At one point I had a small fever as well. Aaron's parents came to visit me for a bit, which was really nice. Aaron came right when he got out of work with an overnight bag. Fortunately I got my own room so he was given permission to stay with me. They even brought him a cot! So sweet. Late that night the OB-GYN came in to give us some disappointing news.
My uterus is now so enlarged that it's the same size as a woman who is 5 months pregnant (measuring in at 20 cm...a normal woman's is 6 or 7 cm). The tumor is 10 cm, which means it's taking up half the uterus. Surgery to remove it at this point is not an option. He described it as a large, solid ball and if they remove it, it will leave a gaping hole in my uterus. Obviously not making it safe to ever carry a baby. He explained some other things to us that I heard, but was more focused on the fact that I can't even have surgery right now. It was so disheartening. I thought for sure this was the answer to all my pain! Easy as pie...we'll just remove it and you'll be able to get pregnant and that's that. But no, we've got some more hoops to jump through now.
Side note. I was telling a friend of mine the other day that I feel like my life is full of doors lately. I keep thinking the answer to my situation will lie on the other side of the next door. So we work really hard to get that door open and all we find is another door. It's like a vicious cycle and I so want to get through this maze and move on with my life!
The doctor told us that we need to see an infertility specialist before we make anymore moves. He said they will be able to help us with a road map of where to go next. They can take a detailed look at our situation to see if there is a creative way to help us get pregnant, still be able to carry the baby, and keep me safe in the process. So much uncertainty behind the next door. Without God, our chances of this working are slim to none.
So what now? I'm on a medication (that I really don't want to be on) that's supposed to help calm everything down and keep me from hemorrhaging anymore. I keep telling myself it's temporary. I may have an appointment with my doctor this week, though I think I'm going to reschedule it for next week because I still haven't gotten an approval or denial from Blue Cross Blue Shield yet. Once we meet with him, we'll get a referral to an infertility clinic nearby. Obviously we will have to wait to do all this until we get some insurance. So please pray that we get a decision (either way!) about this soon. Waiting around, fighting pain and dealing with various side effects from the medicine is not really the quality of life I'd like to be living.
Thank you, again, for joining us on this journey! We couldn't get through it without you guys. Your love, support, and encouragement is helping us stay positive during this time. Keep it coming!!
xo,
~N
P.S. Here are a few photos from my stay.
Trying to take a nice pic in the bed.
How we really felt about everything.
My nurses and my pain chart. (Just in case I forgot how I was feeling. :-p)
My iv fluids machine. Dispensing all 5 bags of fluid I got, along with pain meds and the like. Like peas and carrots we were. At this point you can't see it in the photo, but I could always tell my arm was bent because it said "maintenance"...this means an alarm is about to go off. I basically knew how to run this machine by the time I got out of there. (The nurses all taught me what to do when it beeped and yada yada.)
Breakfast of champions.
Aaron getting ready for work.
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