Studying for the "Big Test" Can Cause You to Miss What You're Supposed to Learn

I had a dream last night that I just can't shake.

It screamed "metaphor" the minute I woke up. I knew it wasn't a random dream. Sometimes I have dreams and they are so strange that I chalk them up to whatever I ate the night before. But this dream...I knew immediately it was different.

I was in high school again and we were taking a big test. I had studied intensely for it and was ready for whatever the instructor threw my way.

I took the test...finishing in record time (as I was known for in high school...always finishing first or second) and practically skipping I placed it in the teacher's hands. But to my surprise, he handed the test back to me and opened up the back page to reveal almost 100 questions I had missed! I frantically flipped through all the pages, trying to understand how I had missed this. Being the perfectionist I am, certainly I hadn't missed 100 questions on a TEST. But I had.

Image found here.

Hurry Up and Heal Already!

Here we are, just shy of 3 weeks after surgery and I'm ready to have my life back.

Lying in bed all day, while the dream of so many, gets rather old...quickly. I've been working really hard at just accepting where I am at right now. (And if I forget, one accidental twist or bend reminds me right quick.) It's so hard because I feel like I should be so much further along. (Like I know anything about healing from something like this. Pff.) And when I just lay in bed, the guilt threatens to eat me alive. (Like I have anything to be guilty about!) Goodness gracious, I sometimes feel guilty for taking a pain pill. Which is the most asinine thing ever because I'm barely taking 2-3 pills/day now when I could be taking 8 pills/day, which is the amount it says on the bottle I could take if I need it. I don't understand why I carry around all this guilt. When I saw my doctor last week, he seemed to think I shouldn't be very far along right now at all. He just kept telling me to give myself some grace...that I just had major surgery. That it's going to take awhile to heal. So if a doctor who knows about the healing process for this surgery tells me to take it easy and rest, why is it so hard for me to have peace in that?

The Day I Had 20 Fibroid Tumors Removed From My Uterus

The alarm went off around 5:15 am, but I was already awake. Had been for hours.

So many thoughts running through my head. Did I get everything done that I needed to? I hope Aaron's sleeping right now. He really needs his rest to get through the day. What if this is my last night here on Earth? Have I done everything I wanted to?

Warning: Graphic photos from my surgery...

Just a quick hello after surgery. I wanted to share the photos of my fibroids that the doctor took out. They are extremely graphic so don't look if you can't stomach. Unfortunately I can't add a Read More from my phone to hide them, so if you use an RSS feed, sorry for bombarding you with these images!
I will do a proper update in a few days. Thank you for your love and prayers! We love you all so much!!
I just wanted to give you all some perspective. And yes, these were all inside me...

If I'm Being Honest...

19 days from now I'll be undergoing a massive surgery. 

The surgeon will not only remove 2 massive benign tumors from my uterus, but he will also have to reconstruct my uterus so that it will be able to support a life one day in our very near future. (Because we will only have a small window of time where we can try...and hopefully prevail.)

Sometime in the last two weeks the full implications of the surgery have hit me like a ton of bricks. Literally...the weight has been crushing.

2012: My Year in Review and Plans for 2013

I don't know about you, but I'm desperately trying to get through this final day of 2012 without being overcome with emotion.

This was my year. At least it was supposed to be. But looking at where I was this time last year and comparing it to where I am now...I must admit I've fallen short.

Excerpt from last year's year in review:

Tomorrow is Not Promised

With all the tragedy and death happening around me lately (literally...like in my backyard), I've felt this overwhelming feeling of mortality. 

I've found myself wanting to tidy up my affairs. 

I've never so deeply desired to make a will before.

I've had an overwhelming urge to purge everything unnecessary in my home and in my life.

I've had the strongest desire to snuggle my loved ones tight.

I linger in hugs a little longer than usual.

I have had more Grace for my mistakes....because in the grand scheme of things, will I remember everything I forgot to do or will I smile at all the things I did do?