When Things Just Aren't Going Your Way...

Have you ever been there?

You know where I'm talking about.

Found here

The place where your feet touch together and you are looking around at what your life has become and you're overcome with disappointment...to the point of grief even.

Do you ever wish you could just be better.

Do you ever wish things could be different?

I have. I am wishing. I'm right here...right in that place where my feet are touching together and I'm just staring around at a life I never dreamed for myself.

I am not my circumstances. But my circumstances can certainly affect who I am.

Little by little I've watched life slip out of my tiny little hands. What I thought I had control of, I don't. At least not anymore. Everything has changed.

I won't launch back into my struggle right now. But what I want to talk about is the snowball effect.


You know how that goes. You start with one tiny snowball and then it rolls and rolls until you have one ginormous snowball.

You see, when people struggle, they don't talk about what happens around the main struggle. Sometimes it's not even the main problem that causes the grief...it's what happens as a result.

Cancer hurts. But it doesn't hurt as badly as the Chemo you have to have to get rid of it.

A broken bone hurts, but not as badly as the doctor having to reset it so it can heal.

Do you see what I mean? Does anybody hear me?

Living with a benign tumor doesn't feel like anything. At least not really. But the medication I have to be on that causes other side effects...that hurts.

Bending and jumping and cardio in general hurts. So I make poor choices and I don't work out. Because it hurts.

My hormones are literally out of control. So I eat. Whatever I want. And I watch the scale climb to dangerous heights. I make bad decisions and it affects everything.

And because I don't eat right or exercise, I do things like sprain my knee because my body has lost its elasticity and pliability.

And there are the other "side notes" that nobody hears about. But they are there. They are real.

The "I know everything's going to be alright" smile only lasts so long. And at what point is it "being positive" versus people pleasing? Trying to do what you think someone else wants you to do.

But if we're being honest...my character just isn't there yet. I can only keep up appearances for so long before the tears drop down my face. Before the pain becomes so unbearable, but only your husband sees it. He's the only one that knows the magnitude of the struggle as a whole. And you cry and he prays. And we wait.

I know you're there too. I know you're hurting too. I know you don't think anyone sees the other stuff you're going through. But I get it. And better yet, the Lord gets it.

We don't always want to trust Him. We think that surely if He loved us, He would never let us go through this. All of it.

But it doesn't work that way.

If we're in "it"...whatever "it" is for you...there's a reason. It hurts. We bleed. But there's a bigger purpose. Maybe this is what will be used to change us...to remove the garbage we want to throw out anyway. Maybe this will be used to teach us love. Like real love. Not that fake stuff we've been living.

I'm begging my heart to hang on. There's an end in sight. Will you beg your heart too? Will you hang in there with me? We'll struggle through the big thing and all the little things together, OK?

Galatians 6:9

So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.

Let's not give up, alright?
xo,
~N